FF: Nov-Dec 2010

I love Facebook, but it is very hard to search for old items and I end up posting things there that I'd want to remember. So in an effort to preserve some of that stuff, I'm instituting Facebook Fridays, in which I round up any interesting FB items that I'd like to remember.

These are some status updates from November and December 2010 a.k.a. post-baby:

Not looking forward to a 6-hour drive with a 5-week-old infant, but the reward of Yuengling and double-crust white pizza -- wait, I meant spending a cherished holiday with family and friends -- should be worth it. (Thu, 23 Dec 2010 05:36:50 GMT)

The food coloring I used in making red velvet cookies dyed some of my cuticles red. Now I keep seeing my fingers and having Black Swan flashbacks. (Wed, 22 Dec 2010 11:39:11 GMT)

Jack and I are making Christmas cookies. Look, I'm not mentioning any names, but someone is not doing his fair share of the work. It turns out babies suck at baking. (Mon, 20 Dec 2010 22:02:02 GMT)

The local tv station just interrupted the show my mom was watching for "breaking news." The news was the Red Sox press conference announcing the Gonzo deal. My mom says, "This is breaking news?!?!?" I said, "Welcome to Boston." (Mon, 06 Dec 2010 17:10:44 GMT)

Jack just grunted awake, farted twice and fell back asleep. I am once again hit with the realization that I'm now living with four boys. (Mon, 06 Dec 2010 01:25:30 GMT)

Megan has never had so much for which to be thankful. Happy Thanksgiving! (Thu, 25 Nov 2010 15:22:02 GMT)

We've been home less than 24 hours and Walter already ate his first poo-covered diaper. Guys, I'm rocking this whole parenting thing. Don't you worry. (Mon, 22 Nov 2010 12:52:45 GMT)

In 10 days it becomes my husband's turn to carry around this kid! Woo-hoo! (Sun, 07 Nov 2010 19:57:11 GMT)

getting into the Christmas spirit

While packing for a six-hour drive...

Him: We do not need crackers. We do not have room for crackers.

Me: I was trying to be prepared, just in case.

Him: Prepared in case we get stuck in the quarter-inch of snow?

Me: You never know. You know how cranky I get when I'm hungry. I'd hate to have to go all Donner party on your ass...

Him: WHAT?!?

Me: ... Of course that would involve cooking, so you're probably safe.

Him: Eat the baby first. He has a soft underbelly. Plus he'd freeze before me.

Me: Not if I slice open your gut like a Tauntaun* and shove him in there.

Him: WHAT!?!



*Speaking of, have you seen this?

I'm gonna live forever.

Me: Last night, I had my first nightmare about traveling to visit our families in PA and VT this week.

Geoff: What happened?

Me: I dreamed everyone told us we were "doing it wrong." And we ran out of diapers.

Geoff: So it wasn't so much a dream as it was foreshadowing.

Me: True. Except we were also teenage street performers auditioning for entry into Fame.

Geoff: Of course.

3 songs

So far today I have had the following three songs stuck in my head:







Five minutes ago I couldn't remember the term "burp cloth," but I can recall -- with startling accuracy -- some Deep Purple lyrics.

Seriously, brain?

Seriously?

reindeer are assholes

Lately I've been singing a lot of Christmas carols.

Rudolph tends to be a big crowd-pleaser. As I have been singing it over and over, I started paying attention to the lyrics.

It's time we face it; reindeer are assholes.

They make fun of Rudolph based on his appearance.
They ostracize him from social gatherings.
They only accept him when he takes a culturally-valued job.

What the hell reindeer? Why do you have to be like that? Couldn't you take a lesson from your cousin Bambi?

like Rodney Dangerfield

One of Geoff's coworkers gave us this baby book that shows what your kid should be doing each week.

Yesterday, Geoff was feeding Jack on the couch and asked if I could get the baby to burp. I was standing over Geoff trying to do that, when he said, "Don't throw up on me!"

Two seconds later, Jack threw up all over him.

Internet, the book did not say that, in week five, our baby would master comedic timing!

not quite mature enough for parenthood

Me: It looks like he's saying, "Ooooooohhhh."

My Mom: He looks like one of those English Christmas caroler figurines.

Me: Or a blow-up doll.

not like your Mom

The end of some conversations:

Me: I'm not your mother.
Geoff: You pretty much are.
Me: If that were true, the relationship we have going on here would be totally inappropriate.
Geoff: True. [to Jack] You probably would have been born with three heads!
Me: [to Jack] That means you'd be three times as smart, buddy.
Geoff: [to me] Ummm...no. I think it's the opposite, actually.

________________

Geoff: Look at him trying to bat the cord hanging there.
Me: I know, I was playing with it with him earlier. "Here, baby, play with the live electrical cord." I'm an awesome parent.

J-E-T-S...

suck, suck, suck!

Monday night was the big Pats/Jets game. We were eating dinner, waiting for the game to start and had the following conversation with Jack:

Me: Jack, are you ready for the Patriots' game? We should get your plush football out and you and Daddy could play catch. Of course, you don't have any control over your limbs. So, for Daddy, playing catch with you would be a lot like playing with me!

Geoff: Except you'd probably be better, Buddy.

You Don't Know Jack

So let me introduce you...

This is Jack Robert.

He was born in November.

He is perfectly perfect.

Trust me on this one.